Ask a Retirement Coach: How Do I Stop My Constant Need to be Productive?

Dear Retirement Coach;

I’ve been retired for a year now, and I’m noticing something about myself that I didn’t expect: I’m constantly trying to stay busy and productive. I feel guilty if I have an unstructured day or if I’m not crossing things off a list. But part of me longs to just enjoy life and slow down. Why is it so hard to let go of the need to be productive? And how can I start designing my days around joy instead?

Sincerely,

Stuck in Productivity Mode

Dear Stuck in Productivity Mode,

First, I want to say — you are not alone.

What you’re describing is something I hear so often from my clients, and I also understand it deeply myself. For many of us, our careers and adult lives taught us to link productivity with value. We got used to the idea that being busy, achieving, contributing — that’s what made us “worthy.” So when retirement comes along with its wide open canvas, the natural instinct is to fill it. We reach for projects, commitments, or endless to-do lists to recreate that sense of purpose.

But here’s something I hope you’ll take to heart: you don’t need to prove your value anymore — not through productivity or anything else.

This chapter of life can be about what truly matters to you — and joy, connection, and well-being are more than worthy goals.

Why This Can Feel So Hard

It’s important to be gentle with yourself here. Letting go of the productivity mindset isn’t easy — and that’s normal.

• Identity: Many of us have built our sense of self around “being productive.” Shifting away from that can feel like losing part of who we are. It can feel unsettling or even scary.

• Cultural conditioning: We live in a culture that celebrates busyness and achievement. Rest and joy? Those are often treated like luxuries — when in fact, they are essential.

• Fear of emptiness: Without the familiar structure of productivity, it’s very natural to worry about feeling aimless or adrift.

How to Begin Shifting Toward Joy

Here are a few gentle practices you might try:

1. Redefine what makes a good day. Ask yourself: “If I didn’t measure today by how much I got done, how would I know it was a good day?” Think about joy, connection, creativity, peace — these are beautiful measures of a life well lived.

2. Experiment with unstructured time. Try building small pockets of unstructured time into your week. Notice what naturally arises — curiosity, rest, playfulness — and allow yourself to welcome it without guilt.

3. Create a joy list. Make a list of simple things that bring you joy. Then consciously weave them into your days — even small moments count. This helps you practice choosing joy over “busy.”

4. Notice guilt — and reframe it. When you feel guilt creeping in about “not being productive,” pause and remind yourself: “My worth is not tied to how busy I am. I am allowed to enjoy this life.”

5. Practice being, not just doing. Give yourself permission to simply be. Sit with a cup of tea, watch the birds, have an unhurried conversation. Being is valuable — and nourishing.

Learning to release the productivity mindset is one of the most meaningful — and freeing — shifts you can make in this new chapter of life. And please remember: choosing joy and spaciousness does not mean abandoning purpose or structure. It means giving yourself the gift of designing your days around what lights you up and fills your spirit — rather than what fills your calendar.

And above all: You’ve already earned this freedom. You don’t need to “earn” your joy. You are allowed to live it — fully, richly, unapologetically.

I’ll be cheering you on as you explore what this new rhythm can look like for you. Wishing you many joyful, spacious days ahead.

Warm regards,

Toni Petrillo

Retirement Lifestyle Consultant

Founder, Retire With Intention

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