Unlocking the Realities and Myths About Funerals

Green burials? Home funerals? Composting a beloved aunt? Readers of popular media may be excused for thinking those things are “trends” in funeral service – and for wondering whether we have all gone a little mad. It was Mark Twain who was believed to have said, “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”

It’s safe to say that reports of the latest trends in what we do about death are, too.

As a funeral director with 40 years of experience, I can tell you unequivocally: the traditional funeral is alive and well.

That's not to say that the industry hasn't evolved over time. It has indeed. But let’s clear up some of the confusion about what is really changing and lay to rest a few of the myths.

Reality or Myth: Cremation is on the Rise

The Truth: There’s no doubt about it, whether because of personal preference, or economics, cremations are on the rise. The rate has risen over the years and in some states like Washington and Nevada, cremations outnumber burials.

Yet, there often seems to be some confusion regarding cremation.

Cremation is merely an alternative to burial and entombment. Choosing cremation does not preclude embalming and visitation. Many families have a traditional visitation followed not by a burial but a cremation.

And, while we’re on the topic, above-ground burials also appear to be increasing in popularity as evidenced by the many community mausoleums being built in cemeteries around the country.

Reality or Myth: Friends and Family Still Want to View Deceased

The Truth: While two- and three-day wakes were once common, one-day wakes are becoming the norm. Gathering at the funeral home on the morning of the funeral for a brief visitation is another option.

But whether it is a matter of days or hours, saying goodbye remains as vital as ever. In fact, being able to view the deceased is the most-requested service funeral directors provide.

At a recent funeral arrangement for a young woman killed in a car accident, her parents’ heartfelt plea was: “Do whatever you can. We just have to see her.” .

For many, viewing the deceased is a primal need. Families who chose not to view sometimes regret that decision. The recent Covid crisis underscored that need. The absence of comforting funeral rituals was painful for families who did not have the opportunity to say goodbye.

Reality or Myth: Technology is Replacing the Traditional Gathering

The Truth: The use of Zoom became especially prevalent during the pandemic and has remained a useful tool. Distant relatives and those otherwise unable to attend a funeral can do so through computer links.

Families, on their own, or with the assistance of the funeral home, may put together a montage of photos and videos that highlight key moments in the life of the deceased. These days, smart television monitors have become standard equipment in most funeral home reposing rooms.

Reality or Myth: Families Are Rejecting Traditional Funeral Customs and Going for More Personalized Experiences

The Truth: A growing preference for personalization is clear, as mourners embrace tried and true traditions in new and personal ways.

Photo memorial cards, register books bearing the deceased’s picture, casket name plates with an embossed image, and funeral programs containing short biographies have become popular items.

Caskets, too, can be personalized with interchangeable hardware, embroidered interiors, and engraved lids.

Displaying favorite items of the deceased during the wake has become increasingly popular, as has wearing their favorite color on the day of the funeral.

Memorial services, too, have grown more popular. Similar to a wake, but with no body present, a memorial service gives people the opportunity to gather together to pay respects, share memories, and comfort family members of the deceased. They can be held at a funeral home, a religious establishment, or a place that held special meaning for the deceased.

The pandemic has contributed to the increase in memorial services. Many families, unable to have a funeral service during the height of the pandemic, later held a memorial service.

Reality or Myth: Funerals Have Gone Green

The Truth: Touted in the press as an emerging trend, many myths surround green burial. First and foremost, that it is new and novel.

In fact, green burial is not new at all. It has been the custom of those of the Jewish and Muslim faiths for centuries.

Simply defined, a green burial is one in which an unembalmed body is dressed in a shroud, or clothing made of natural fabrics, and buried in a biodegradable casket.

Despite its simplicity, what may come as the biggest surprise is that a “green” funeral is not less expensive than a traditional one. In fact, you may end up paying more.

In addition to the funeral home’s basic charges, you may incur higher transportation costs, as green cemeteries are few and far between.

What’s more, caskets made of eco-friendly wicker, willow, and bamboo, often rival the price of a traditional casket. You will also need to purchase a grave, and prices can be comparable to those of traditional cemeteries.

If you do decide upon a green burial, bear in mind that any funeral home can provide this service. It is not a specialized service.

Reality or Myth: Funerals in People’s Homes Are on the Rise

The Truth: Home funerals are another non-trend. While most localities permit home funerals, very few people express an interest in such an option.

It may not be practical for apartment dwellers, or those who live in a condo or co-op as considerations as basic as whether or not a casket will fit through the doorway, come into play.

And while some trendy articles about home funerals give the impression that you will be caring for your own dead, the fact is that you will need to hire a funeral home.

In one home funeral, the deceased reposed in the living room of her ranch-style home which would soon be sold. “Otherwise,” said a family member, “we would be unable to live in a house and look at the spot where the casket had been.”

There is a reason why, long ago, funerals were moved from private homes into funeral homes. It is less burdensome for families.

Reality or Myth: Human Composting is on the Horizon

The truth: Recently making news is “natural organic reduction.” What’s that? Yes, it's human composting. It is a process that transforms human remains into soil.

The idea of composting a human body, as we do food waste, is shocking to many, but no need to worry – yet. The practice is hardly gaining traction. As of this writing, it is only legal in two states, Washington and Colorado.

About the author:

Alexandra Kathryn Mosca works as a funeral director, and writer, in New York. She is the author of three books: Grave Undertakings, Green-Wood Cemetery and Gardens of Stone and has contributed articles to Newsday, New York Daily News, The Saturday Evening Post. Next Avenue, and funeral industry publications. You can reach Alexandra by visiting her website: www.alexandramosca.com