The Grandparent Technology Paradox: Being There While Not Actually Being There

I watched one of my grandchild take their first steps over my morning coffee. Not in person - through an Instagram story. I replayed it three times and then shouted out to my husband to see if he saw it. I smiled at the screen and then watched it again.

It was a beautiful moment.

But here's the thing about being a grandparent in the age of social media: you get a front-row seat to your grandchildren's childhood while sitting somewhere else completely.

I see my twin grandchildren nearly every day through curated squares on my phone. I watch them grow, hit milestones, develop personalities. And then at least once a month, we go to visit where we get to hold them and be with them. It's more access than grandparents had a generation ago, and yet in a strange way, it can strangely make the distance feel more intense.

The Blessing and Curse of Digital Connection

My own grandparents lived hours away and got random updates on our lives through phone calls, letters and mailed photographs. Whereas I get to see my grandchildren nearly every day. I get to watch their childhood unfold in front of me through the magic of technology.

But there's a strange side to having this access. I realize how much is actually happening in their lives that I'm not there to witness first hand. Because we also regularly see them, I can't help but be reminded how a month in baby/toddler time is enormous. Which means every visit contains both the thrill of seeing them and the slight recognition of how much I've missed.

But I'm so fortunate.

By grandparent standards, we have significant time with them. I get to see them regularly, we will sometimes vacation together, and we get together to celebrate family occasions. But this just represents just a fraction of their actual lives. The reality is that most of their childhood - the daily routines, the ordinary moments, the incremental changes - happens without me there to see it in person and technology just amplifies this.

The Technology Paradox

Research is now showing an negative side effect of social media. FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).

In an article published in Psychology Today, they shared there may be a problem "If someone constantly checks the social media feeds of other people, they may develop FOMO because they see other people doing all these awesome things all the time.".

Now, what is interesting is that the twins awesome things are their daily activities and to clarify, I'm not suffering full out FOMO but there are some things that I'm learning to accept that are sort of in this same vein. The twins lives and development is moving fast and I can't be there every day. In fact, I shouldn't be there every day. Their parents are doing a beautiful job raising them, and my role is to be a supportive grandparent.

But virtually, I am there. Nearly every day, I get to see them. I get to see what they ate for dinner, what made them laugh, what new thing they tried. I am grateful to have access that no generation of grandparents before me had. Social media gives me a window into their world that would have seemed like science fiction to my own grandparents.

The paradox isn't that social media makes me feel like I'm missing out - it's that it reminds me daily that I'm not missing out. I get to be part of their lives even from a distance. The challenge for me is accepting that witnessing their childhood remotely doesn't mean that it's any less than being there to see it first hand.

So as I watch that video of first steps for the fifth time, I can choose what to focus on: the fact that I wasn't in the room, or the fact that I got to see it at all within minutes of it happening.

This is a gift of modern grandparenting. I get daily glimpses into my grandchildren's lives without actually physically being there.

So I'm grateful for the social media pictures, stories and reels. And I'm learning that being a grandparent doesn't mean that not being there means I'm missing out.

And when that next first step video appears on my screen during my morning coffee, I'll watch it three times, smile and then shout out to my husband and then watch it again.

And know I'm one of the lucky ones. Because I got to see it at all.