Life

Ask A Retirement Coach: How Do I Protect My Own Time?

When you retire, there's often a perception from others that you have lots of available time. How can you protect your time without offending them?

Dear Retirement Coach;

I just recently retired and am really looking forward to having the time and opportunity to do the things I've been wanting to do for years.

The challenge is that many people have the perspective that given I'm no longer working that I now have the time to do things for them. Whether it's caring for our parents, picking things up or shopping or cooking for parties, it's almost like there is this belief that because I now have the time, I should do this.

How should I manage this? Just because I'm retired doesn't mean there aren't things that I want to do.

Sincerely,

My retirement, My Time

Dear My Retirement, My Time,

First, Congratulations on beginning this exciting new chapter of your life! It’s wonderful to hear that you're looking forward to retirement as a chance to finally pursue the passions and activities you've set aside over the years.

And, you’re absolutely right! Often, people assume that retirement means endless free time, but in reality, this phase can be just as busy and fulfilling as any career. A common challenge many retirees encounter is managing the expectations of others. Balancing these external expectations with your personal needs is crucial to ensuring that your retirement remains truly your own.

Here are some strategies to help you navigate this transition effectively:

Identify Your Priorities

The first step is to focus on what you truly want from your retirement. It's not just about having more free time; it’s about having the freedom to make choices that align with your priorities. Whether you want to travel, dive into a new hobby, spend time with family, or simply enjoy relaxation, your decisions should reflect what matters most to you. Be honest with yourself about your desires, and remember that it's perfectly okay to prioritize your own needs. Your time is valuable, and you deserve to spend it in ways that are personally fulfilling.

Set Boundaries with Compassion

The first step is to set some boundaries. But we all know that establishing boundaries can be challenging, especially with loved ones. So it’s important you stay strong here as this step is essential for maintaining your autonomy and ensuring a satisfying retirement. Here are some tips for setting boundaries effectively:

  • Communicate Your Plans: Be transparent with family and friends about your retirement plans. Share your goals and interests with them so they can understand that you are focusing on activities important to you.

  • Learn to Say No: Saying no can be tough, particularly when requests come from those you care about. Keep in mind, every time you say yes to something that doesn’t align with your priorities, you’re saying no to something that does. Practice saying no in a firm yet kind manner. For example, you might say, “I’m flattered you thought of me, but I’ve committed my time to other activities right now.”

  • Offer Alternatives: If saying no feels too direct, consider suggesting an alternative that respects your boundaries. For instance, if asked to help with a task when you’re unavailable, you could propose a different time or offer a smaller form of assistance.

  • Create a Schedule: Even with more flexible days, having a loose structure can help you prioritize your activities and make it easier to decline requests that don’t fit your plans. Refer to your schedule when evaluating whether to take on new commitments.

Balance Relationships and Boundaries

Maintaining healthy relationships while setting boundaries is key. Here’s how to strike that balance:

● Set Aside Time for Others: You can still support family and friends without overcommitting yourself. Consider designating a specific time each week for helping out or volunteering, allowing you to give back while preserving time for your own activities.

● Be Selective: It’s okay to be selective about the requests you accept. If a request aligns with your interests , it might be worth considering. Otherwise, don’t feel obligated to say yes. Your time is valuable, and it’s important to use it in ways that matter to you.

● Keep Communication Open: Transparency is key. Let your loved ones know how you’re feeling and what you’re focusing on in retirement. Open communication helps them understand your perspective and can reduce misunderstandings.

Manage Guilt and Societal Expectations

I understand that you may feel a sense of guilt when you have to turn down requests, and that’s a normal part of the transition. It’s important to remember that you don’t have to be responsible for everyone’s needs. Society often assumes that retirees have limitless time or that caregiving should be their default role. Challenging these expectations can be tough, but it’s essential to stay true to your own priorities. After a career spent supporting others, this is your time to focus on your own growth and enjoyment.

Embrace Your Retirement

Retirement is an opportunity for you to explore new passions, grow in new ways, and savor the rewards of your hard work. It’s your chance to shape your days according to your own desires and interests. Protecting your time with intention and setting clear boundaries will help you honor this exciting phase of life.

Here’s to embracing your retirement with joy and purpose—your time is now, make it truly extraordinary!