Bridging the Social Worlds: The Value of Intergenerational Relationships

Many older people enjoy relating socially with younger family members, especially their adult children and grandchildren. Some also like the company of unrelated younger people, considering them essential friends, quasi-relatives, or just acquaintances. A smaller group benefits from intergenerational connections by volunteering their time to counsel younger people on how to cope with their lives. Others in late life benefit from the social support of younger persons who themselves have taken on volunteer roles. 

But Intergenerational Social Relationships Are Not for Everyone 

However, connecting with younger family members is sometimes not possible or difficult for older boomers. Children may not be in their lives because they never married. Others may have married children who opted to remain childless, so no grandchildren exist. An additional older group may have adult children and grandchildren, but large geographical distances prevent frequent contact. Their individual mobility limitations may also restrict outside travel. 

Others in late life may avoid being around younger people because they don't want reminders of their own lost vigor or perceived unattractiveness. They are especially turned off by young persons who relate to them in a condescending or demeaning fashion, exemplified by those who use "elderspeak" references when talking to them. "How are you today, sweetie?" To avoid such ageist social experiences, older people may spend less time with these younger people. 

The need to feel they fit in motivates the social behaviors of another group of older people. They are more comfortable when surrounded by those of the same age who can easily relate to both the joys of becoming old and the challenges of age-related declines. They reasonably presume that younger people are unlikely to be interested in their conversations about their physical ailments and their concerns and frustrations about their medical treatments. 

Divorced, widowed, and other unmarried older people may have a different reason for being around others their age. They aim to maximize their opportunities to meet new older adult companions.  

Intergenerational Social Connections Influenced by Where Older People Live  

Planned age-segregated active adult communities or high-rise luxury condominiums marketed to seniors deliberately exclude younger residents. They appeal to older people seeking to be around those who share their leisure and recreational lifestyle preferences. This group also does not miss being around self-absorbed teenagers, partying college students, or hard-driving career professionals. 

Lower-income older people seeking affordable rental housing may have little choice but to move into low-rent senior apartment buildings. When independent living is impossible, other older people must often transition to long-term care developments primarily occupied by those at advanced ages. 

Some older people find themselves living in age-segregated neighborhoods because they choose not to move. They occupy NORCs (Naturally Occurring Retirement Communities). These residents often moved into these places in their younger years and have collectively aged in place—so now their neighbors are old like themselves. Other communities are populated mostly by older people because their once young occupants migrated elsewhere to seek gainful employment. 

Older People are a Diverse Lot—Many Delight Being Around the Young 

However, we must be cautious in how we generalize or judge these choices and situations.  

It is often interesting to find that older people feel more alive and emotionally gratified when participating in activities with middle-agers, families raising children, younger adults, children, toddlers, and babies.

They feel joy, inspired, and fulfilled when witnessing the world through a child's playful and innocent eyes. They become emotionally uplifted when learning about younger people's school activities, hobbies, career goals, and aspirations. Their involvement in younger people's lives is often an antidote to their own possible feelings of loneliness. 

Their desire to be around younger age groups helps explain why some older people occupy multigenerational housing arrangements and neighborhoods populated by a younger crowd, which they view as socially attractive and upbeat places to live.  

Those who mentor young people also may experience distinctive benefits. They can feel a sense of purpose, knowing they are "well-positioned to help young people develop talents, skills, and knowledge…and to advise them on relationships and daily life conflicts." They believe they can help young people recognize their self-worth and have "happy and productive lives." They welcome having such meaningful roles in their post-retirement years. 

Intergenerational Relationships: One Size Does Not Fit All 

Pundits and experts overwhelmingly advocate for intergenerational social relationships. They enthusiastically argue that social connections between the young and old can make both age groups feel happier, valued, and self-fulfilled—all good things. Moreover, they convincingly argue that the exhibited mutual respect between older and younger generations can help counter today's ageist attitudes and responses.  

However, we must avoid putting all older—and younger—people in the same social box.

As pointed out, not all older people will seek out relationships with younger individuals, and not all younger individuals will welcome their overtures. Some older people are less interested or comfortable connecting with younger people socially. They favor activities and residential settings where those around them are of similar ages and generational backgrounds. 

What Does the Future Look Like? 

Looking ahead, there is reason to feel both pessimistic and optimistic about the likelihood of older people having intergenerational social relationships.

If our country's low birth rates persist, future generations of older people will be less likely to count on loving relationships with adult children and grandchildren. They may have to turn more frequently to other younger relatives (e.g., siblings, nieces) or youthful friends for their positive social experiences. They will need to get their emotional satisfaction from mentoring the young.  

Alternatively, they may take a different social route. They will be motivated to initiate cohabitation unions or dating partnerships with those in the same age bracket as themselves.  

In my next article, I argue for a more optimistic future where it becomes easier for older people to socially connect with the young. I look to the promise of those in late life adopting digital communication technologies—such as iPhones and Facetime apps—to set the stage for intergenerational relationships to form and grow.