Ask a Retirement Coach: Why do people keep saying I need to have purpose?

Dear Retirement Coach,

Everyone keeps telling me that I have to have a purpose in retirement. I'm just happy doing things around the house and not have any particular planned agenda. What's so wrong with this and why are people so concerned about me?

Sincerely,

Loving Living Life without any Particular Purpose

Dear Loving Living Life Without Any Particular Purpose,

First, let me say—I love your perspective. Retirement should be about living life on your terms, not someone else’s definition of what’s “right” or “expected.” If you’re happy, engaged, and content in your day-to-day life, then you are doing retirement exactly as it should be done— your way.

But I also hear that you’re feeling some pressure from the people around you.

When family, friends, or even society talk about “having a purpose,” it often comes from a place of concern, not criticism. They want to know that you’re truly fulfilled, that you aren’t at risk of isolation or stagnation, and that retirement is bringing you joy rather than restlessness. Their intentions may be good, even if their approach is making you feel questioned or judged.

The reality is that Purpose looks different for everyone.

Some people find deep satisfaction in volunteering, mentoring, or starting an encore career. Others find it in the simple joys of everyday life—gardening, organizing, home projects, reading, or just enjoying the rhythms of an unstructured day.

Purpose doesn’t have to be a big mission or structured pursuit. It’s about feeling engaged, connected, and content in the way that works for you. That said, I think some of this concern comes from a pattern I’ve seen in my work as a retirement coach.

Many people start off loving the freedom of unstructured days. But after a few years, something shifts. They begin to feel a little restless. The days start blending together. Maybe they feel a bit disconnected or unsure of what’s next. And sometimes, they don’t even realize it’s happening until it sneaks up on them.

I’m not saying this will happen to you. But I do think it’s worth checking in with yourself from time to time. Here are a few simple questions to consider:

• Do you usually wake up feeling excited for the day ahead, or does it sometimes feel like you're just going through the motions?

• Do you have a good mix of social, intellectual, and physical activities that keep you engaged?

• If you ever felt a bit lost or restless, would you know how to adjust and get back on track?

If your answers feel good, then you’re right where you need to be. Keep doing exactly what brings you joy. But if you ever start to feel like you want something more, just know that purpose can take many forms. It doesn’t have to be a major life shift—it can be as simple as adding a new hobby, joining a group, or taking on a small project that brings you satisfaction.

When faced with well-meaning but sometimes intrusive questions, confidence is key. A simple, “I’m actually really happy with how I’m spending my time” can reassure others without inviting further discussion. And if they keep pressing, a polite but firm, “I appreciate your concern, but I’m truly enjoying this phase of life,” can help set clear boundaries.

Retirement is a personal journey, and there’s no one-size-fits-all formula for purpose.

If your days feel meaningful to you —whether they’re filled with simple joys, household projects, or just the freedom to follow your own rhythm—then you’re doing it exactly right. For now, if you’re happy, enjoy it.

Retirement isn’t about meeting anyone else’s expectations. It’s about creating a life that feels right for you.

Keep living life on your terms.

Warmly,

Toni

Certified Retirement Coach

Do you have any questions that you would like to ask Retirement Coach Toni? Just send them in an e-mail to [email protected].

Interested in more? Read all of Retirement Coach Toni's advice here.