Ask a Retirement Coach: How Do I Protect My Retirement Time While Being a Caregiver?

Dear Retirement Coach,

I've recently retired and after having a full time career and raising my kids I was really looking forward to finally having some time to do the things that I wanted to do. But no sooner than I retired, I found my parents now requiring my attention and I'm now spending much of my time caring for them.

Any suggestions on how I can get a better balance and finally get some time for myself?

Signed,

Continually Caring

Dear Continually Caring,

First, let me say—thank you. Thank you for opening up about what many people are quietly navigating in their retirement years but don’t always talk about. And thank you for the care and support you're providing to your parents. That is no small thing. You’ve worked hard, raised a family, and likely juggled countless responsibilities over the years.

Like so many others, you probably envisioned retirement as the long-awaited moment to finally exhale and shift the focus back to yourself. So when caregiving responsibilities step in unexpectedly, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed, disappointed, or even a little resentful—emotions that are completely valid.

The good news is, balance is possible.

But it may require a mindset shift, some boundaries, and most importantly, permission—from yourself—to prioritize your own well-being, too.

The Sandwich Generation—Still Alive and Well

Although the term “sandwich generation” is often used to describe people caring for aging parents while still raising children, many retirees today find themselves in a version of this role even after their kids are grown. You’ve given so much to others throughout your life—and now, here you are again, showing up with compassion and responsibility.

But here’s something important to remember: your retirement years matter, too.

This chapter of your life is just as deserving of attention and intention as any other. Caring for others does not mean abandoning yourself.

Caregiving Can Be Both a Role and a Boundary

Caregiving is one of the most generous expressions of love—but without boundaries, it can quickly lead to burnout. You may feel guilty about wanting more time for yourself, or worry that stepping back means you’re neglecting your duty.

Let me gently challenge that. Finding balance isn't selfish. It’s sustainable .

Consider this: when you're exhausted, emotionally drained, or stretched too thin, your ability to care—joyfully, compassionately, and consistently—suffers. By carving out time to rest, recharge, and engage in activities that bring you joy, you’re not just helping yourself—you’re showing up as a more present and grounded caregiver.

Acknowledge the Shift

One of the first steps in reclaiming some balance is to acknowledge that your retirement is not unfolding as you imagined—and that it's okay to grieve that.

Maybe you had travel plans, creative projects, or just long, uninterrupted mornings with a cup of tea and a good book. Whatever you had in mind, give yourself the space to acknowledge the loss of that vision—without guilt.

Then, allow yourself to reimagine a new version of retirement, one that may look different but can still hold meaning, purpose, and fulfillment with caregiving in the picture.

Create Small Pockets of Joy

You may not have entire days to yourself right now, but what about moments? Even 15 minutes of intentional “you time” can make a difference.

Step outside and breathe deeply. Call a friend. Journal. Listen to music. Read something uplifting. Sip your favorite drink while doing nothing else. These micro-moments help nourish your sense of self. And when put together, they begin to restore the feeling that your life is your own—even amidst your responsibilities.

Explore Resources and Ask for Help

Many caregivers feel like they have to do it all—but the truth is, you don’t have to do this alone. There may be more support available than you realize.

Look into:

• Local caregiving resources or senior support services

• Adult day programs that give you a few hours of respite

• Family involvement —can siblings or other relatives take on specific tasks?

• Support groups , both online and in person, where others share experiences and solutions

Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re incapable. It means you’re wise enough to recognize your limits—and courageous enough to protect your well-being.

Revisit Your Retirement Vision

Just because things have shifted doesn’t mean your retirement dreams are off the table. They may need to be adjusted, phased in more slowly, or experienced in smaller doses—but don’t lose sight of what lights you up.

What’s one thing—just one—that you’ve been yearning to do? How might you take a small step toward it, even if it’s not perfect?

Whether it’s learning something new, reconnecting with a passion, or simply reclaiming quiet space in your week—these small choices matter. They remind you that this is your time, too.

Give Yourself the Same Care You Give Others

You are clearly someone who gives with a full heart. But here’s something to reflect on: how would it feel to offer yourself the same care, patience, and compassion that you give to others?

Start with something simple: speaking kindly to yourself. Acknowledge what you’re carrying. Applaud your effort. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can in a complex situation. And above all, that you deserve a life that includes rest, joy, and fulfillment— even while caregiving .

Your experience is more common than you might think—and it speaks to the often-unspoken reality of retirement. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re navigating a complex chapter with grace, even if it feels messy at times.

This may not be the retirement you first imagined, but it’s still your time.

It’s still possible to create space for what brings you joy, fulfillment, and rest—while continuing to show up for those you love. You don’t have to choose one or the other.

With a little support, intention, and compassion (especially for yourself), balance is within reach. Remember, your well-being matters, too. And this chapter—though different than expected—can still be deeply meaningful, purpose-driven, and uniquely yours.

Warmly,

Toni Petrillo

Certified Retirement Coach Founder, Retire With Intention

Do you have any questions that you would like to ask Retirement Coach Toni? Just send them in an e-mail to [email protected].

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