Why We Need to Get Comfortable Talking About Death

I’m about to enter into a topic that many people are uncomfortable talking about and will often try and avoid at all costs - death.

There can be many reasons why we don’t like to talk about death.

For some, it may be the fear of their own mortality or a fear of the unknown. Others may find it too depressing or unsettling to think about. Some may not want to think about it because it bubbles up sadness or regrets. And some people may even believe that talking about death will somehow make it more likely to happen.

But death is inevitable. It’s something that none of us can avoid.

Death is part of our overall life experience. We may be able to delay death, even brush with death but the fact is eventually we all will die.

But openly talking about death could help us in a number of ways. Here’s how;

1. It could help us recognize and realize that we are in fact running on limited time. This could help us to appreciate and make the most of everyday knowing that we don't have an endless supply of time.

2. Talking about death can help us plan for the future. When we think about the possibility of our own death, we may start to consider what we would like to happen after we die. Things like ensuring that we have a will, funeral plans and trusted executor in place can all help ease the burden of our loved ones after we’re gone.

3. Also, being comfortable with death could help us establish an advanced care directive. This legal document helps others know – both our loved ones and health care providers – what our health care preferences are at our end of life. It speaks for us when we may not be able to speak for ourselves. There is also some research that suggests that having an advance care directive in place may be able to reduce the stress, anxiety and depression of remaining relatives. What is also interesting, as important as this document is, only about 32% of people in the United States actually have this in place.

It is understandable that death can be a difficult and uncomfortable topic, but we should try to push through those feelings. We need to remember that talking about death does not mean we are giving up or being pessimistic. It simply means that we are being practical and proactive about our own lives and the lives of those we care about.

If you could use some support in discussing death, there are a number of websites that provide some guidance;

• The Art of Dying Well

  • The Art of Dying Well website is provided by the Centre for the Art of Dying Well at St Mary's University. They provide research, resources and podcasts on how to accept, position and talk about death

• The Conversation Project

  • The Conversation Project is an initiative provided by the Institute for Healthcare Improvement. On their website, you can find resources and conversation guides that outline some questions for you to consider when you have your conversation about death

• Death Over Dinner

  • The idea of having dinner and talking about death was launched in 2013. Since then, there have been over 100,000 death dinners. On the Death Over Dinner website, you are asked a few questions on how you would like to structure your death dinner (things like who you would like there, what you want to discuss and why). They then provide you with information and resources for you and your invitees to review in advance of having the dinner conversation.

Also, if you need help before having these conversations, be sure to seek out the advice of trained professionals. Therapists, bereavement specialists, funeral directors and end of life doulas may be able to provide you with the support and advice you need.

Another important aspect of talking about death is being open and honest. It can be tempting to gloss over the reality of death or avoid discussing it altogether, but honesty is often the best approach. By being open and honest, we can help alleviate some of the fear and uncertainty surrounding death and help our loved ones prepare for the future.

Whether it’s coming to terms with our own mortality, making the most of the time we have or planning for the future – recognizing that death is inevitable can be valuable. We can then prepare to have the necessary conversations about death that are needed.

By also seeking any support we may need to have these conversations, we can then make the process of talking about death a comfortable experience not only ourselves but also for those that we care about as well.