Dating Again? How To Tell Your Adult Children Without Freaking Them Out

Dating can be a fun but complicated process. Many single Baby Boomers desire romance and partnership but find the prospect of dating and developing a relationship a complicated endeavor.

One of the issues that can complicate dating for Baby Boomers is introducing the concept and/or a new relationship to an Adult Child.

Your relationship with your Adult Child is precious - you’ve been a part of each other’s lives for a long time. They may have known you as part of a couple for many of those years.

So whether you are single by choice or circumstance or a combination of the two, your Adult Children might need some time to adjust to your desire for romance and partnership. They might not be thrilled at first, but they are your kids - they want you to be happy… so give them a chance to adapt to your dating.

Here are 7 things to consider when speaking to your Adult Child (AC) about your dating:

Realize your Adult Child might have strong feelings and opinions about your potential partner and whether you should be dating at all. 

Let your AC know how you are feeling about entering the world of Boomer dating. You might have your own strong feelings and concerns that you could share with your AC. By sharing your mutual concerns they will come to realize that you are not doing something potentially life changing on a whim.

Your Adult Child might still think of you only in the role of a parent, rather than as a person with needs and desires which extend beyond parenting and grandparenting.

You raised your kids to be kind and accepting - they will adjust to this new season in your life. You’ll likely find your relationship with your AC becomes even better.

Be honest and open about your dating relationships.

If you are secretive your Adult Child could worry that there’s something to hide. Your AC’s are likely protective of you so be open to show them you are okay and are able to set appropriate boundaries with the person you are dating. Let your AC know you want to introduce them to the person you're dating. Also, let your AC know if you “like” the person you are dating or you’ve begun to “like them-like them.”

Introduce your date to your Adult Child in a casual setting.

Lunch or playing in the park with grandkids is a comfortable setting to get to know one another. Avoid introducing a new person at a major holiday when stress of the holiday could clash with the nerves of meeting someone new.

Realize your Adult Child might have valid concerns on how dating will affect issues including your financial and emotional well-being.

If you are open to remarrying or living with a partner, be open with your AC on how that will affect your financial future. You don’t owe your kids an inheritance but many Boomers would like to leave a gift for their AC’s and grandkids. If you’ve talked with your AC about a specific inheritance before you started dating - let your AC know how dating and remarriage affects that future inheritance.

Listen to your Adult Child’s concerns about a specific partner.

Just like when your kids are/were dating - you might have had some insight into character problems of their dates, Your AC might have some valid partner specific concerns that would benefit you to consider. Tell your Adult Child that you are open to hearing any concerns or questions they may have. When you keep the line of communication open, it allows problems or issues to be solved before issues become a major problem.

Don’t tell your Adult Child how to feel or compare them to a partner’s Adult Child.

If your AC isn’t initially happy for you to be dating, realize your AC might be grieving the past (as you probably did at some point) and the AC might need to work through letting go of the past before they can truly be happy for you.

When you understand and validate the concerns and issues your Adult Children have with your dating again, you can begin the process to move forward. It’s likely you will encounter bumps in the road along the way. However, if you approach the situation with patience and understanding everyone can adjust to the “new normal” with time.

Your relationship with your Adult Child is special and it’s valuable to maintain open communication with them. Although you are all adults and don’t owe each other explanations, keeping open lines of communication can contribute to rich and fulfilling family relationships.

About the author;

Alice Goldstein is a Baby Boomer who has devoted herself to guiding other Baby Boomers toward happier, more fulfilling lives. Alice holds a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and a Master of Arts in Marital and Family Therapy. Alice currently publishes BoomerBuyerGuides.com with her husband David.