Cracks in the Foundation: Exploring the Rise of Grey Divorces

There is a definite increase in the number of older people getting divorced. What is causing this to happen?

6 min read.

The year was 2010 when this headline caught my eye:

"Al Gore, then 62 and Tipper, age 59, announce divorce after 40 years of marriage.”

The news seemed to reverberate with a quiet shock and left me with a nagging curiosity: why, after weathering decades together and raising a family, would a couple choose to part ways?

My mind inevitably wandered back to when my then-boyfriend (now beloved hubby) chose to break up and walk away after three years. Each realization that I'd have to start over, rebuild my confidence and reintroduce myself to the world at the ‘ripe old age ’of 29 ignited a fresh wave of tears and hysteria.

How much more daunting must it be for older couples, confronted with the difficult and heartbreaking prospect of beginning anew during what should be their best golden years?

I have always been in awe and impressed with older couples who have passed their silver anniversary (25 years), thinking they are the MVPs of enduring love.

Reflecting on my over 30-year marriage, I have understood how marriage takes work, patience, and mutual respect and is a journey of constant evolution.

It saddens me to know that even the most seemingly steadfast of relationships could falter and that divorces in my seasoned age group, 60-something, are now prevalent and, in fact, on the rise.

According to a recent report from Global News, Canada is experiencing a rise in what’s being referred to as "grey divorces" when older couples, typically those aged 50 years and older, decide to split.

In that same Global News report, Kevin Caspersz, a family lawyer from Ontario, explains that those in the age range of 65 and older are seeking to end their marriages because "There seems to be less of a stigma around divorce and older couples are more willing to end their marriage if they are not happy with it." He further notes, "They (senior couples) look at it as they only have so much more time left to enjoy life, and if they're not happy in their relationship, the children have left the home. (There's an) empty nest, they see no reason in continuing the marriage.".

There's no doubt that attitudes have shifted, with fewer societal expectations or religious beliefs playing a role and contributing to the stigma attached to ending an unsatisfying marriage, leaving older adults feeling more in control and empowered to seek divorce.

But what about economic hardship?

While in some instances, older adults have achieved a level of financial independence that previous generations may not have enjoyed and that too makes it easier to leave an unhappy marriage, recent studies conducted by the Toronto Metropolitan University's National Institute on Ageing (NIA), the TD Bank Group and a Deloitte Canada analysis say otherwise.

"Canadians are dealing with financial instability and worrisome concerns about the cost of living and economic uncertainty. Insufficient or depleting retirement savings impact those between 55 and 64 as they realize they might have to adjust their lifestyles to avoid outliving their savings."

Other financial issues can contribute to marital problems, especially if one partner feels financially dependent on the other or if there are disagreements about how to manage money.

Data from a Statistics Canada report further suggests that the "financial impact of a grey divorce tends to be greater on women and also that divorce also had a negative financial impact on men, but they were more likely, on average, to have higher incomes than women at ages 70 to 80".

The empty nest syndrome has been mentioned as another possible reason some couples separate. Their children have grown and left the coup, leaving some couples to struggle to redefine their connection as they realize they no longer have as many interests in common without the distractions and obligations of parenting.

Effective communication is essential in any situation. However, as couples age, they may find it more difficult to communicate openly and honestly with each other, leading to misunderstandings and resentment.

Then there are health issues, which can also strain a marriage. Serious illnesses or disabilities may require significant caregiving responsibilities, leading to stress and tension within the partnership.

There is also the reality that many older adults have married young and are now in their second or even three-times-a-charm marriages, which statistically, again, according to experts, means they have a higher risk of divorce.

Long-term marriages can face various challenges that may lead to divorce, and we can never really know what motivates a couple to seek newer pastures.

Returning to my curiosity about Al Gore and Tipper's divorce, family therapist Terry Real told ABC News's "Good Morning America" at the time of that surprising announcement that there may not be one smoking gun that ended the Gore's Marriage. He concluded, "I think the moral of this story … is that nobody knows the inside of a marriage."

Frequently, older couples cite the cause for their divorce as simply 'drifting apart' or feeling the need to pursue individual growth.

I'm not one looking for transformative change. Just aging is sufficient for me. I am so grateful that at this stage in my life, I get to laugh with my hubby at our shared experiences, for example, our dislike for some of the lesser-known age-related metamorphoses like unruly hairs that pop up unexpectedly and his unpleasant discovery of a receding hair line in favour of a growth spurt in his ears!

While the future remains unpredictable, I feel fortunate to have someone by my side with whom I can navigate life’s highs, lows, and minor annoyances.

My only wish is for our bond to remain healthy and strong, shielding us from becoming another statistic of grim grey divorces.

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About the Author:

Wendy Reichental, B.A.,Dip. in Human Relations and Family Life Education, McGill University. Certified in Foot Reflexology, RCRT® Registered Canadian Reflexology Therapist.

Wendy enjoys capturing life’s passages in short essays and opinion pieces. Her writings have appeared in The Montreal Gazette, Ottawa’s Globe and Mail, and various online magazines. Wendy's unique take on those first days of the Pandemic lockdown is now part of the anthology Chronicling the Days by Marianne Ackerman (Editor) and Linda M. Morra (Editor). Guernica Editions, Spring 2021