Becoming A Grandmother Retirement Rebel

Donne Davis was planning her retirement like most other people. One of enjoying her leisure time filled with hobbies, family and friends. But after witnessing the birth of her granddaughter, everything changed for Donne. She felt an innate need to connect and talk with other grandmothers. As a result of this passion, she launched The GaGa Sisterhood, a social network for enthusiastic grandmas. Initially Donne started with 15 grandmas sitting in her living room. The GaGa Sisterhood has since grown to a virtual community of over 200 members across the United States. In addition to hosting monthly meetings, she writes weekly blog posts and a monthly newsletter. This is her story.

When I stood at the foot of my daughter’s hospital bed and watched my tiny grandchild emerge into the world, I had no idea that witnessing her birth would lead to my own rebirth. On that day in April 2003, I became the person I was always meant to be – a grandmother.

I went “completely gaga!” I leaped in the air, then ran down the hall to declare to my husband and all the other people in the waiting area: “I’m a grandma!”

It took me days to come back down to earth and when I did, I quickly discovered I was not the first grandma to feel this way. Every grandma I met had that same dreamy blissful look in her eyes as she waxed poetically about her grandchild.

My granddaughter was born two months before my retirement day. If you had asked me just one day before her birth what my next step was, I wouldn’t have had a clue. But after her birth, during my last two months of work, I began to envision a circle of grandmas joyfully talking and sharing. I wanted to hear their experiences and learn from them.

My motivation to talk to other grandmas came during the first few weeks in my new role. Being a grandma was more complicated than I’d imagined. My own two grandmas had made it look so easy. I was close to both of them and blessed to have them in my life until I was forty years old.

I thought I was a pretty informed parent when my granddaughter was born. But as I watched my daughter parent, I was bewildered. She did things so differently than how I’d parented her. She held Juliet to her chest and wrapped them both in a long purple sash creating a little cocoon for the baby. She carried Juliet everywhere with just a tiny tuft of blonde fuzz poking through the top.

She called it “attachment parenting” and explained that keeping the baby close to the mother’s body builds the child’s trust and security so the child can eventually individuate. My daughter also slept with the baby and breast fed “on demand.” When she complained about feeling exhausted all the time, the reason seemed obvious to me. But intuitively, I knew better than to question or judge or ask “what was wrong with the way we did things?” Instead, I put on my anthropologist hat and began studying this fascinating little tribe.

I wanted to soak up everything I could and fully embrace my new role. Did other grandmas feel this way? I had to find out so I invited all the grandmas I knew to my house. “Come and join me for a conversation about what it means to be a modern grandma.” I added: “Let’s share our wisdom and inspire each other to grow and learn. Let’s create a community of dynamic women who support each other in this exciting new stage of life.”

On December 7, 2003, fifteen grandmas sat in my living room and we had a juicy conversation — not just fun stuff like how we got our grandma names but also how we got along with our grandchild’s parents. At the end of our conversation, I asked who wanted to continue; everyone raised their hand. The GaGa Sisterhood was born.

As a lifelong learner, I dove into grandparenting like I was getting an advanced degree in it. I read every book I found on the topic. At our meetings I brought up questions and topics to see what others were thinking. We swapped stories that mostly focused on relationship issues. We were able to be vulnerable and share both our joy and pain. We were sisters on a journey together.

We’ve continued to meet for 17 years since that first conversation in my living room. For our monthly meetings, I present speakers who make us think about a new idea or way of being. We’ve discussed meditation and music, improv and intergenerational travel, style and storytelling. We recently celebrated our 100th meeting that featured Emily Morgan, host of the podcast The Grand Life and grandmother to nine. She shared some ways she makes her grandchildren each feel special. Our topics focus on ways to stay healthy, stay connected with our grandchildren, and build mutual respect with our adult children. The GaGa Sisterhood tagline — where grandmas bond, brag and benefit — sums up what we do.

I’ve gained so much wisdom and clarity from other grandmas. It’s my passion to pour it back into my Sisterhood where we all can benefit.