Ask a Retirement Coach: My Husband Treats Everyday Like the Weekend

Dear Retirement Coach;

My spouse just retired and is treating every day like it's the weekend. He's staying up late, sleeping in and starting to drink with his other retired friends in the afternoon. I want him to have fun but am worried that this is going to become a long term habit and isn't really good for him. What do you suggest I do?

Treating retirement like it's the weekend

Dear Treating Retirement Like It’s the Weekend,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns. First of all, you’re not alone in this. The shift into retirement can be a huge adjustment—not just for your spouse but for you as well. It’s not unusual for retirees to go all in on their newfound freedom, treating it like one big weekend. After years of sticking to a work schedule, that kind of release can feel amazing.

That said, I understand why you’re feeling uneasy about this becoming a long-term pattern. Let’s explore how you can approach this with care, helping both of you find a healthier balance.

1. Recognize the Phase He’s In

Your husband’s current routine—staying up late, sleeping in, and socializing over drinks—is what many call the “honeymoon phase” of retirement. It’s a time when retirees savor their freedom, doing all the things they couldn’t while working.

This phase is common and often temporary, but if left unchecked, it can sometimes turn into habits that don’t promote long-term well-being.

The good news? It’s a normal part of the adjustment process. Understanding this can help you approach the situation with patience, which will be key to starting a meaningful conversation.

2. Start a Conversation—Gently

Communication is key. The best way to address your concerns is through an honest, calm, and non-judgmental conversation.

Timing is important—choose a relaxed moment when you can both talk without distractions. You might say something like:

By focusing on your shared goals and expressing your feelings, you can encourage a productive conversation without making him feel judged.

3. Revisit Your Shared Retirement Vision

Retirement is about more than just unwinding; it’s about building the life you’ve been dreaming of. So, take some time together to talk about what you both want this chapter to look like.

Is it traveling? Spending more time with family? Picking up hobbies? Maybe even giving back to the community? By getting on the same page about your goals, you can start to create some structure and focus that benefits you both.

For example, if staying healthy and energetic for travel is part of the plan, that’s a great motivator to prioritize good habits. Or if giving back is something you both value, finding a volunteer opportunity might add a little routine to his days.

4. Encourage Small, Manageable Adjustments

Big changes can feel overwhelming, but small shifts are doable and can have a real impact. For example:

• Establish a loose routine: Encourage a daily schedule that balances relaxation with productivity and movement.

• Set boundaries around drinking: Maybe agree on certain days or times for social drinks, rather than making it an everyday thing.

• Revisit sleep habits: Talk about how better sleep patterns can make retirement more enjoyable and energizing.

These shifts can help your husband gradually settle into healthier, more sustainable habits without feeling like he’s losing the fun.

5. Lead by Example

Sometimes the best way to influence someone is by modeling the behavior yourself. If you’re prioritizing healthy meals, regular activity, or meaningful hobbies, he may start to notice. You could also suggest shared activities—like going for a morning walk, trying a new recipe together, or exploring a hobby you both enjoy.

These joint efforts not only support better habits but also strengthen your connection.

6. Introduce Some New Ideas

Sometimes retirees fall into the “weekend” trap simply because they’re not sure what else to do with their time. Offering up some new possibilities might inspire him to think differently about how he spends his days:

• Volunteering: This can bring a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

• Learning something new: Whether it’s taking a class, picking up a hobby, or even teaching others, this can bring structure and excitement.

• Joining a group or club: Social connections outside of the usual friend group can add variety and purpose.

7. Remember: This is a Partnership

This is an adjustment for both of you, and teamwork will be key. Let him know your concerns come from a place of care and that you want this next chapter to be joyful and fulfilling for both of you. And give it time. No one figures out retirement overnight.

Gentle encouragement and patience will likely go further than pushing for immediate changes.

8. Don’t Hesitate to Get Extra Support

If these habits become more ingrained or you feel they’re affecting his well-being, consider bringing in outside help. A professional—like a retirement coach or counselor—can offer tools and strategies to facilitate healthier transitions and balanced lifestyles.

Finding the Balance

The fact that you’re thinking about this and wanting to address it shows how much you care about your husband’s well-being. By communicating openly, aligning on shared goals, and supporting each other through this adjustment, you can help him move beyond the “weekend” mindset and build a retirement that’s healthy, balanced, and full of joy.

If you would like more guidance, I’d be happy to provide support tailored to your situation. Please don't hesitate to reach out.

Warm regards,

Toni

Certified Retirement Coach

Do you have a question to ask about the non-financial aspects of retirement? e-mail them to [email protected]