Ask a Retirement Coach: How Do I Get Unstuck?

Dear Retirement Coach,

I imagined that retirement would bring a new sense of freedom and energy—but instead, I feel stuck. I have all this time now, but I can’t seem to focus or find momentum in anything. Is this normal, or am I missing something?

Sincerely,

Feeling Unsettled in Retirement

Dear Feeling Unsettled in Retirement,

First of all, thank you for your honesty—and for asking a question that so many new (and even seasoned) retirees are quietly wondering themselves. You’re not alone. After decades of managing schedules, leading teams, raising families, and being “on” all the time, stepping into retirement can feel like hitting the brakes on a life that was moving at full speed.

At first, the idea of unscheduled days feels like freedom. But for many high-achieving professionals, that wide-open space can also feel disorienting. You might start asking:

• Why am I not doing more?

• Shouldn’t I have a project or purpose by now?

• What’s wrong with me?

The truth? Nothing is wrong with you. What you’re experiencing is a completely natural—and often overlooked—part of the retirement transition. And it’s time to give yourself something that’s rarely discussed in retirement planning:

Permission to pause.

Why Slowing Down Feels Uncomfortable (Especially After a Busy Career)

We live in a culture that glorifies productivity. “Busy” is worn as a badge of honour, and rest is often associated with laziness or decline. So it’s no wonder that slowing down feels so foreign.

For many retirees, restlessness isn’t caused by a lack of ideas or ability—it’s the discomfort of not having something urgent to chase.

Think about it: for 30 or 40 years, your life was structured around goals, deadlines, responsibilities, and the demands of others. Productivity was your currency. When you retire, that identity doesn’t just vanish overnight. In fact, the instinct to “do something” can be so strong that we fill our calendars just to avoid the discomfort of stillness.

But here's the irony: slowing down may actually be the most productive thing you do in retirement—especially early on.

The Power of the Pause

In the coaching world, we often talk about “the gap”—the space between who you were and who you’re becoming.

Retirement is one of those rare life transitions that opens this gap wide. And while it can feel empty, it’s actually incredibly time to try something new. Slowing down gives you the chance to:

• Reconnect with your inner compass. After years of focusing on external demands, the pause helps you turn inward and ask: What do I really want now?

• Recover mentally and physically. Many retirees don’t realize how depleted they are until they stop. The pause allows time for healing—without guilt.

• Experiment without pressure. When you’re not rushing to prove anything, you can explore new ideas with curiosity instead of urgency.

• Redefine success. Retirement invites a new definition of what a “good day” looks like—and it often has little to do with output.

You’re Not Wasting Time—You’re Reclaiming It

It’s easy to feel like you’re “doing retirement wrong” if you’re not launching a side hustle, volunteering 20 hours a week, or traveling the world. But those are just one version of retirement. You don’t owe anyone a grand story. You’ve already lived one.

This season of your life is about designing your days around what matters most to you—not what looks good on paper.

Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is slow down long enough to hear yourself think again. To wake up without a plan. To notice what you gravitate toward naturally, without being told. To spend time with people you love, not because it’s scheduled—but because it feels good.

In fact, many of the retirees I work with discover their true passions and purpose after they give themselves a grace period. A “pause” might last a few weeks or even a few months. That doesn’t mean you’re stalled—it means you’re rebuilding.

Reframing Productivity in Retirement

Instead of asking, What did I do today? Try asking:

• Did I feel connected today?

• Did I enjoy something small and meaningful?

• Did I honour my values or energy today?

This is a new kind of productivity—one based on alignment, not achievement.

Practical Ways to Embrace the Pause

If you’re struggling with the “pause” phase of retirement, here are a few gentle ways to approach it:

• Create space, not structure. Instead of filling your calendar, block off open time with no agenda.

• Practice doing one thing at a time. Take a walk without a podcast. Eat lunch without multitasking. Notice how that feels.

• Use a reflection journal. Note what energizes you and what drains you over the week. You’ll start to see patterns emerge.

• Be curious, not critical. If you're feeling stuck, ask yourself: What might this feeling be trying to teach me?

If you’ve recently retired and find yourself feeling uncertain, unproductive, or even a little lost—you are not failing. You are transitioning.

And like any major transition, it requires time, grace, and, yes, stillness.

Give yourself permission to pause. Not because you’re unmotivated—but because you’ve earned the right to catch your breath, reflect, and redefine what a meaningful life looks like from here forward.

You’re not behind. You’re just beginning.

Warm regards,

Toni Petrillo

Certified Retirement Coach Founder, Retire With Intention

Do you have any questions that you would like to ask Retirement Coach Toni? Just send them in an e-mail to [email protected].

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